• by Wilmer Brouwer

    Dear owner of my local supermarket,

    You are probably really happy to have me as your custormer. Here are some simple rules to keep me as a customer:

    • Please add everything I buy to my bill
    • Please send an invoice once a month at the end of the month for everything I buy
    • I will pay every invoice after 60 days
    • I will start counting those days at the end of the month in which you send the invoice
    • I will pay on my payment date, which happens to be the 15th of every month (don’t complain, it could be the 30th!)
    • I decide what I pay for your products
    • If I buy the same product twice I will pay only half for the second product
    • If I buy a lot I decide what reduction you will give
    • Please also give me an extra reduction because it’s a crisis
    • I only pay on PayPal

    I hope you know how lucky you are that I am still your customer! 
    Don’t expect me to thank you, you probably know how many supermarkets there are and some of them are a lot cheaper than you! I will let you know if I think of any other rules in the future to keep our cooperation as perfect as possible!

    Kind regards,

    Your customer

    P.S.: I will demand discounts for fuzzies, e.g. white bread/brown bread, as the oven was already warm, there was already someone working on that anyway, so why treat it as two completely separate products and pay full price?
    I even encouraged my local supermarket to buy a really expensive extra large oven for baking more bread at the same time so all their customers can claim this reduction. And yes, we do expect them to completely transfer any profit this might bring to us as customers. For some reason my local supermarket didn’t understand that this will be profitable for them too. The main reason is of course that I refuse to buy their bread if they don’t have that oven.


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